John "The Gneech" Robey (the_gneech) wrote,
John "The Gneech" Robey
the_gneech

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The Ballad of the Has-Been

I don't often turn my hand to writing songs (other than filks or parodies), because when I do they always come out as vaguely-country-western novelty songs along the lines of Ray Stevens. I wrote one called "Cry, Baby Cry" about riding the Greyhound bus, for instance.

However, I woke up this morning with this one going through my head, so I figured I'd better write it down. In terms of the music, I've got it in my head but I don't know musical notation, so I couldn't begin to write it down. Think of something roughly along the lines of Kenny Rogers' "Coward of the County" ... if doing so doesn't hurt too much.

Ballad of the Has-Been, ©2006 by John Robey, all rights reserved

Once I was a superstar
in nineteen eighty three
I helped them sing "We Are the World"
I made guest shots on TV

But then I stopped recording
in nineteen ninety two
I offer folks my autograph
and they say "Who are you?"

   Welcome back,
   oh welcome back!
   That's great man, where you been?


   Welcome back,
   oh welcome back!
   What was your name again?


My last divorce didn't go so well
And now I'm outa luck
I had to sell the place in Malibu
I'm living in a truck

So I thought I'd call my agent
and do a little cashing in
he said "I can't be seen with you;
you're just an old has-been."

   Welcome back,
   oh welcome back!
   That's great man, where you been?


   Welcome back,
   oh welcome back!
   What was your name again?


I called some folks from long ago
hoping they could help at least
But not Cher, not Sting, not Fozzie Bear
that moth-eaten old beast

Turns out they are all has-beens
their careers have all tanked, too
"Man, why you calling me for help?
I thought I might call you!"

   Welcome back,
   oh welcome back!
   That's great man, where you been?


   Welcome back,
   oh welcome back!
   What was your name again?


This big old world keeps changing
that's very plain to see
the media's quite different
from nineteen eighty three

Nobody watches TV now
and my reunion was a flop
so I'm going on the internet
to whine until I drop

   Welcome back,
   oh welcome back!
   That's great man, where you been?


   Welcome back,
   oh welcome back!
   What was your name again?


-The Gneech
Tags: writing
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