In any case, for your present, here's today's Forgotten English (© Jeffrey Kacirk):
nuts in May
There are not, of course, any nuts in May to gather. But there is May hawthorn, and that is what the "nuts" of the old rhyme really were.--Edwin Radford's Encyclopædia of Phrases and Origins, 1945
Irish Nut Customs
In the north of the present County Tipperary there was said to be a beautiful fountain called Connla's Well, over which hung nine hazel trees. As the nuts dropped into the well they fed the salmon that were swimming about in it, and whatever number of nuts any one of them swallowed, so many bright red spots appeared on its body. All the knowledge of the arts and sciences was in some mysterious way bound up with the eating of these nuts. ... Under a good king, the hazels were said to stoop with the weight of their fruit. Divination by means of nuts continues to this day. It was unlucky to omit going a-nutting on Holy Rood Day, September 14, and one of the chief amusements of All Hallow E'en is still the burning of "lovers' nuts" ... to see whether the twain will continue faithful to each other.--Eleanor Hull's Folklore of the British Isles, 1928
Hmm ... should I make a joke about divination by means of Irish nuts, good kings having heavy nuts, or burning your lovers' nuts on Halloween? The possibilities are endless!