Notorious local grouch and general misanthrope Ezekiel Grudge surprised neighbors this morning by throwing open the windows of his large but run-down house and shouting at the top of his lungs, "It's Christmas Day! I haven't missed it! You'll see, old Jason Barley, we will make a Merry Christmas, we will!" Jason Barley, Grudge's business partner for some twenty years, died on Christmas eve in 2000. Associates lauded him as "a good man of business." Ezekiel Grudge's odd behavior continued when he came running out into the street in his nightgown and gave a local boy $30 to run and buy "that enormous goose" from a neighborhood Wegman's, promising to give the boy an additional $25 upon return. He then bribed the manager of Target with $200 to let him into the store, which would normally be closed on Christmas Day, and purchased roughly $700 worth of toys and a 41" plasma television. All these items, and the enormous goose, Grudge immediately took over to the house of his administrative assistant, Rob Satchett, and presented them to the Satchett family with a pledge that Satchett's annual salary of $18,000 would be raised to $38,000, and that Grudge would begin providing employer healthcare in order to ensure that Satchett's ailing son, Tiny Tom, would be able to get medication required for his chronic asthma. Tiny Tom was quoted as saying, "God bless us, every one." Witnesses said they had not seen the like since area cartoonist and celebrated weirdo The Gneech "stole Christmas," back in 1985.