John "The Gneech" Robey (the_gneech) wrote,
John "The Gneech" Robey
the_gneech

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Mailbag Day!

And what a bag of mail it is! Let's get right into it...

Dear Gneech,
As you seem to be an expert on it, what's the difference between a "geek" and a "nerd"?
P. Parker
New York, NY


Well, it's a fine distinction, P.P., but I'll summarize it like this:

GEEKS
GameMaster: Okay, your R2 unit gets up into its socket on the X-Wing, and--
Player 1: Hey, I've always wondered, how does R2 get up there when you're not at a hangar bay with a crane?
Player 2: Obviously, he climbs up there with his various stubby little arms, which takes forever and looks ridiculous.
All: *chuckle*
GameMaster: Okay, your R2 unit climbs up to its socket on the X-Wing, which takes forever and looks ridiculous, and you prepare for takeoff. Meanwhile...

NERDS
GameMaster: Okay, your R2 unit gets up into its socket on the X-Wing, and--
Player 1: Hey, I've always wondered, how does an R2 unit get up there when you're not at a hangar bay with a crane?
Player 2: Obviously, he climbs up there with his various stubby little arms, which takes forever and looks ridiculous.
Player 1: That's just stupid. Obviously, he's got those little booster jets from Episode II, and uses those to fly up.
Player 2: No, Star Wars: Incredible Cross-Sections specifically states that the jets are a nonstandard modification to R2 units, that were installed by the Naboo engineers for Padmé. So you can't go by Artoo as the standard for any old generic R2 unit.
GameMaster: Well, hold on, Star Wars: The Ultimate Guide to Droids says that the jets DO come standard on R2 units, but that they tend to wear out and become unusable after about 15 years or so, which is why you never see Artoo using them in the classic trilogy.
Player 2: That and budgets.
GameMaster: Well, yeah.
Player 1: Well, maybe he has a little repulsor unit, you know, like interrogation droids or probe droids.
Player 2: That's dumb. If Artoo had a repulsor, why would he have jets?
Player 1: Do you really think those two little butane torches on his legs were strong enough to lift a heavy droid up in the air? No, he has the repulsor for lift, and the jets are just for maneuvering.
Player 2: Then why don't you see him floating around all the time like V.I.N.C.E.N.T. from The Black Hole?
(etc., etc., ad nauseam)

Hope that makes it more clear!

-The Gneech

Dear The Gneech:
I did not have sex with that woman!
Honestly,
B. Clinton


What a coincidence! Neither did I! [1]

-The Gneech

Dear Gneech,
I work in an office where there is constant jackhammering going on due to building renovations. Is there some way I can keep from going all crazygonuts and losing it all together?
Shake,
Rattleand Roll


I recommend working from home from now on. Particularly if you have a cat.

-The Gneech

Dear Mr. The Gneech,
If you blow in while I blow out, who will blow the candle out? If you blow hot and I blow cold, we'll come to blows before we're old.
W. Kelly
Beyond the Grave


Creepy, yet charming.

-The Gneech

[1] Rejected responses included:
* And I care, because...?
* Are you sure? It was dark, you might have mistaken her for someone else.
* Why not? Everyone else did!
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