WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This reporter has received shocking information via e-mail that references in Barack Obama's acceptance speech to "bringing a puppy to the White House" reveals a secret agenda to kill kittens. "If you LOVE KITTENS," the e-mail urges, "you must ACT NOW before they're ROUNDED UP AND SLAUGHTERED." It goes on to quote Kentucky state legislator 'Scruff' E. Peuch (R): "I'm not trying to compare Obama to Hitler or anything, but it's a matter of historical record that during the early days of the Third Reich, puppies were very popular all over Germany. And we all know what that meant for German kittens. I'm just sayin'." This comes on the heels of an urgent e-mail from the same source marveling at the idea that 52% of Americans actually hate America and want to destroy freedom and prosperity and urging readers to go out and buy guns while you still can.