John "The Gneech" Robey (the_gneech) wrote,
John "The Gneech" Robey
the_gneech

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Furry Cons: Yeah, It's Like That [1]

A fox and a lion meet at a furry con...

FOX: Wow, my first furry con! I'm so excited to meet all these new people. This is awesome!

LION: First one, eh? I've been coming to them for years. They're always fun.

FOX: Really! Well I guess you must know just about everybody, huh? Could you introduce me?

LION: You can never know everybody, but I do have a lot of friends here. But I've got to warn you, furries tend to have some pretty strange names.

FOX: Strange names? Like internet handles?

LION: Yeah. Things like "Stormwind" or "Coat Check" or "Spaz Lion."

FOX: Oh, you mean like a dog named "Goofy?"

LION: Uh, yeah, like that. But anyway, let's start with some of the most popular ones you'll want to meet. Who runs the dealer room, What's with Uncle Kage, and I Don't Know is in the con suite.

FOX: Well yeah, that's what I want to find out.

LION: Eh? Who runs the dealer room, What's with Uncle Kage, and I Don't Know is in the con suite.

FOX: I thought you said you had a lot of friends here.

LION: I do!

FOX: But you don't know their names?

LION: I do know their names!

FOX: So who runs the dealer room?

LION: Yes.

FOX: I mean his name.

LION: Who.

FOX: The guy in the dealer room.

LION: Who.

FOX: The guy who runs it.

LION: Who runs the dealer room!

FOX: I'm asking you who runs the dealer room!

LION: That's his name.

FOX: That's who's name?

LION: Yes.

FOX: ...

FOX: Look, does somebody run the dealer room?

LION: Well duh.

FOX: So who runs the dealer room?

LION: That's right.

FOX: When you pick up your dealer badge, who gives it to you?

LION: Yup, and your con packet as well.

FOX: All I'm trying to do is find out who runs the dealer room!

LION: He has for the past five years. He does a great job.

FOX: Who?

LION: Yes. He often gets his wife to help.

FOX: Who's wife?

LION: Yes, of course. Why are you looking at me like that? She knows what she's doing.

FOX: All I wanna know is, when you apply for a dealer table, how does he sign that he's received your money?

LION: Who.

FOX: The guy.

LION: That's how he signs it.

FOX: Who?

LION: Yes.

FOX: ...

FOX: Look, will you please just tell me what's the name of the guy running the dealer room?

LION: What's with Uncle Kage.

FOX: Who's Uncle Kage?

LION: No, Who runs the dealer room.

FOX: Then let's stick to one furry at a time!

LION: Fine by me, you changed the subject.

FOX: I didn't change anything!!!

LION: Whoa, relax.

FOX: Then tell me who runs the dealer room!

LION: That's right!

FOX: Okay.

LION: Fine.

FOX: What's the name of the guy running the dealer room?

LION: What's with Uncle Kage.

FOX: I don't know.

LION: She's in the con suite. I'm not talking about her.

FOX: How did we get to the con suite?

LION: You mentioned her name.

FOX: If I mentioned her name, who did I say was in the con suite?

LION: No, Who's running the dealer room.

FOX: What?

LION: What's with Uncle Kage.

FOX: I don't know.

LION: She's in the con suite.

FOX: Now we're back in the con suite again! *facepalm* Okay, fine, let's stay in the con suite.

LION: Okay, we'll talk about the con suite. What do you want to know?

FOX: Who's in the con suite?

LION: Are you kidding? He doesn't have time for that, Who runs the dealer room!

FOX: What did I say about the dealer room?

LION: What is with Uncle Kage!

FOX: Who the heck is Uncle Kage?

LION: Who runs the dealer room!

FOX: I don't know!

BOTH TOGETHER: Con suite!

FOX: ...

FOX: Look, do you have a charity auction?

LION: Every year.

FOX: The auctioneer's name?

LION: Why.

FOX: *shrugs* I just thought I'd ask you.

LION: Well I just thought I'd tell you.

FOX: So tell me who's the auctioneer?

LION: Who runs the dealer room.

FOX: Stay out of the dealer room! I want to know what's the name of the auctioneer!

LION: What's with Uncle Kage!

FOX: I don't know!

BOTH TOGETHER: Con suite!

FOX: The auctioneer's name?

LION: Why.

FOX: Because.

LION: He's in charge of ops.

FOX: ...

FOX: Does this convention have a con chair?

LION: It wouldn't get very far without a con chair!

FOX: Tell me the con chair's name.

LION: Tomorrow.

FOX: You don't want to tell me today?

LION: I am telling you!

FOX: Then go ahead.

LION: Tomorrow.

FOX: What time?

LION: What time what?

FOX: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who is the con chair?

LION: Who runs--

FOX: I'll bite your face off if you tell me who runs the dealer room!!!

LION: Jeeze, kid, relax!

FOX: I want to know what's the con chair's name.

LION: What's with Uncle Kage.

FOX: I don't know!

BOTH TOGETHER: Con suite.

FOX: ...

FOX: Got a fursuit parade?

LION: Certainly.

FOX: And the person running the fursuit parade?

LION: Today.

FOX: Today. And Tomorrow is the con chair.

LION: Now you've got it.

FOX: All I've got is a couple of days at a convention!

LION: That's all anybody ever has! They go so fast.

FOX: ...

FOX: You know, I'd like to volunteer at a furry con.

LION: Awesome! I know they'd love the help.

FOX: So let's pretend I'm the con chair, just for giggles.

LION: Don't know why you'd want the job, but it's your life.

FOX: So I'm the con chair. Today tells me he wants to march the fursuit parade through the dealer room, so I have to make sure the guy running the dealer room knows. So I get on the walkie-talkie and call who?

LION: That's the first thing you've said right.

FOX: I don't even know what I just said!

LION: But that's all you'd have to do. I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem with it.

FOX: Who?

LION: Exactly.

FOX: So if I call the dealer room, who gets called?

LION: Exactly.

FOX: Who?

LION: Exactly.

FOX: Exactly?

LION: Exactly.

FOX: So I pick up the walkie talkie and I call Exactly.

LION: No you don't, you call Who!

FOX: Exactly!

LION: There you go.

FOX: That's what I said!

LION: No it isn't.

FOX: I pick up the walkie talkie and call who?

LION: Exactly.

FOX: I just said that! So I call whoever it is in the dealer room, who says to me What is with Uncle Kage. Then I go to the person running ops, Because. Why? I don't know, she's in the con suite. Whatever!

LION: Sorry, I didn't catch that.

FOX: I said, "Whatever!"

LION: Oh! He runs the art show.

FOX: *keels over dead*

-The Gneech

[1] Adapted from an adaptation by spikedpunch.
Tags: furry
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