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Ask a Jedi Master!

Dear Obi-Wan Kenobi:
One of our co-workers has been stealing other people's food from the fridge. None of us have actually caught her doing it, but by process of elimination we're pretty sure we know who it is. The question is, should we confront her about it, or should we just sneak some Ex-Lax brownies into the fridge to teach her a lesson?
--Seriously Annoyed

Dear Seriously Annoyed:
Obi-Wan?! ... Obi-Wan ... now that's a name I've not heard in a long time. A loooong time. I haven't gone by the name of 'Obi-Wan' since, oh, before you were born. I think perhaps we should get indoors. The Sand People are easily startled, but they'll soon be back, and in larger numbers.
--Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi

Dear Yoda:
I've been dating this girl for about four months and we've really hit it off. I mean, I can picture myself doing the whole 'settle down, have kids' thing with her, but I'm still worried that I might be making a big, unfixable mistake. How do I know if it's "the real thing"?
--Cold Feet

Dear Cold Feet:
Everything! Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering!
--Jedi Master Yoda

Dear Mace Windu:
What can I do about unsightly stains on my kids' clothes? I've tried sprays, I've tried powders, but nothing seems to really work on grass and ground-in dirt! Can you help me?
--Fastidious Mom

Dear Fastidious Mom:
This Separatist attack makes no sense; a massive invasion, but no attempt to take the Jedi Temple or the Senate. Unless it's all a ruse to distract us from their primary objective? Palpatine! Trooper! Turn this ship around!
--Mace Windu


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 19th, 2009 03:31 pm (UTC)
.....I think I'll stick with Confucianism.
Oct. 19th, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC)
Monday can hit hard, can't it?
Oct. 19th, 2009 11:35 pm (UTC)
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.
Oct. 20th, 2009 01:12 am (UTC)
Please, if that was really Mace Windu he would have replied, "USE THE FORCE, MUTHAF****!" (n)_(n)
Oct. 20th, 2009 05:12 pm (UTC)
No, that's Samuel L. Jackson you're thinking of. But it's an easy mistake.

Oct. 21st, 2009 06:34 am (UTC)
Oh, I thought Mr. Jackson would have just used the force to throw snakes at her. (n)_(n)
Oct. 20th, 2009 05:09 pm (UTC)
Dear Chancellor Palpatine,
I live in a hurricane-rich environment, so I have a lot of stuff set aside for supplies. Unfortunately, my batteries in my flash lights keep dying. What sort of batteries should I be using?
--In The Dark
Oct. 20th, 2009 05:12 pm (UTC)
Sorry, Chancellor Palpatine is not a Jedi Master and so cannot respond to your question in this venue.

-The Gneech
Oct. 20th, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)
Awwwww. And here I was hoping to find UNLIMITED POWER!

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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