There's this guy I'm crushing on in my Earth Sciences class; he's so cute! But whenever I try to talk to him I just freak out and come off like a total spazoid. What can I do? Should I just grab him, or what?
--Tripping Over My Tongue
Dear Tripping Over My Tongue:
What if he doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me.
You know that quote about "slay your enemies, drive them before you, hear the lamentations of their women"? I know for a fact that's from Conan the Barbarian, I've got it on VHS even, but my idiot roommate says it was first said by Genghis Khan. Can you prove him wrong?
--Annoyed by a Doofus
Dear Annoyed by a Doofus:
I think, therefore I am. I destroy, therefore I endure.
Dear Cad Bane:
I am totally frustrated! I've just been passed over for promotion -- again!! -- and I seriously think it may be just because I'm a woman. I keep seeing younger, less experienced men getting promoted right and left, but whenever I want to get ahead, it's "Oh, no, *you* can't be promoted, you'll just get pregnant and quit." I'm so furious!!! Do you think I have grounds for a lawsuit?
--Where's Dolly, Lily, and Jane When I Need Them?
Dear Where's Dolly, Lily, and Jane When I Need Them?
Sorry to bother you, Chancellor, but I've taken control of the East Wing of your Senate Building, and the occupants are now my hostages. If you care about them, I'd advise you to free Ziro the Hutt from the Detention Center.
Which weighs more, a ton of mice or a ton of elephants?
--The Pointless Questioner
Dear Pointless Questioner:
Erraaaallurrrrr... *hiss, drool*