Still, that just gives me a vision...
EMPEROR PALPATINE: Now, my young apprentice, you will witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station!
KYLE KATARN: *blaster bolt between Palpy's eyes*
DARTH VADER: Dang!
KYLE KATARN: Sorry, I just hate grandstanding.
In recognition of this, it's time for some Facts About Kyle Katarn:
- Kyle Katarn is so tough that the very thought of him wiped out all the Jedi and Sith on Ruusaan.
- Kyle has two ways of entering a room. One is to kick the door down and kill everything inside. The other is to let the room come to him. And it will.
- "Taral" is ancient Sith for "Will be whipped by Kyle Katarn."
- Kyle Katarn once visited the "Cloak of the Sith" region. It is now the "Cloak" region.
- Kyle Katarn's first lightsaber worked underwater. Not because Rahn built it that way, but because it was too damn scared not to.
- Ever wonder why Jason Court didn't make a return appearance? Because NOBODY plays Kyle Katarn.
- Kyle Katarn's beard has the death sentence in twelve systems.
- Kyle Katarn's beard is the death sentence in twelve systems!
- Obi-Wan grew his beard between Ep 1 and Ep 2 because he had a vision of Kyle Katarn.
- Alpha-Red was not a bacteria or virus capable of killing off the Vong and all of their biots ... it was the code word for the Jedi finally unleashing Kyle Katarn on the invaders!
- Cortosis disappeared because Kyle Katarn used it all to make a comb that didn't break when it touched his beard.
- Yoda used to have 3 stronger older brothers, but they mysteriously vanished after pissing off Kyle Katarn.
- Mace could have survived falling out the window, but unfortunately he landed on Kyle Katarn's beard.
- Kyle takes his caf without suger, cream or even hot water.
- Coruscant once honored Kyle Katarn by naming a street after him. It gets little foot traffic because NOBODY crosses Kyle Katarn.
- Han Solo drops his cargo at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser. Imperial Cruisers drop their cargo at the first sign of Kyle Katarn.
- Many Bothans died to get the plans to the second Death Star, because they got in Kyle Katarn's way.
- When Kyle Katarn goes to Candy Mountain he doesn't lose a kidney.
- Passed out, surrounded by stormtroopers and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Kyle Katarn laughs to himself and says, "I have them right where I want them."
- Kyle Katarn's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, because NOBODY fools Kyle Katarn.
- If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Kyle Katarn says it's bantha, then it's kriffing bantha.
- There are three leading causes of death among stormtroopers. The first two are Kyle Katarn, and the third one is heart attack from knowing Kyle Katarn is coming for them.
- If Kyle Katarn's blaster jams, it's because he was beating you to death with it.
- There's no use crying over spilt blue milk ... unless is was Kyle Katarn's.
- On a high school math test, Kyle Katarn put down "violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Kyle Katarn solves all his problems with violence.
- Kyle Katarn has the heart of a stormtrooper. He keeps it in a jar on his desk.
- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Kyle Katarn spared your life.
- Kyle Katarn can slam a revolving door.
- Kyle Katarn doesn't listen to the will of the Force. The Force listens to the will of Kyle Katarn.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're not Kyle Katarn.
- Kyle Katarn doesn't have a Bryar pistol for protection. A Bryar pistol has Kyle Katarn for protection.
- Kyle Katarn and Chuck Norris once met in a FanFic cross-over. The author's computer spontaneously combusted the instant both characters said "Nice beard."
- Standard proceedure for wiping protocol droids memory banks is to ask them to calculate the odds of Kyle Katarn ever losing a fight.
- In the medical community, death is referred to as "Kyle Katarn Disease."
- Kyle Katarn was once in a lightsaber fight. The lightsaber lost.
- Kyle Katarn always has the high ground.
- Kyle Katarn once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
- Kyle Katarn knows the last digit of pi.
- Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a blaster to a lightsaber fight. 2) Don't bring a lightsaber to a Kyle Katarn fight.
- Kyle Katarn sleeps eight hours a night. Well, actually, in that area he's pretty normal.