John "The Gneech" Robey (the_gneech) wrote,
John "The Gneech" Robey

Crunchy Celery ("My Back Is Made Of...")

Woke up Saturday with a pulled muscle, the lower part of my trapezius under the right shoulderblade. This isn't unusual ... as I've fallen off of the weightlifting wagon I've been getting more random aches and pains lately. (This is particularly problematic as, having just turned 40, I now have to deal with the fact that muscle mass is going to start running away if I don't actively take steps to keep it.)

Anyway, usually if I wake up with a random ache, it's gone by the end of the day or at most after a day or two. But this jabby pain-in-the-scapula persisted all through the weekend, so this morning I called sirfox's sister, the chiropractor, and headed over to get it attended to and be regaled with entertaining stories of Sirfy and his sis being vicious to each other throughout childhood.

While there I related to her the history of my shredded lower back, the meralgia paresthetica, and the thrilling tales of my recent battle to get myself off of addictive and brain-boiling nerve-pain meds. She listened to all with nods and the occasional witty comment, then had me lay down on the table and flipped out like a ninja all over my back. Ouch. Very very ouch. Popping joints I'm used to -- my neck making a gruesome "crunchy celery" noise, on the other hand, was more than a little disconcerting.

She didn't actually spend that much time on the point of pain that I went in for. Instead she went after the shredded lettuce in my lower back, presumably on the grounds that most of the actual damage being down there, the pain above was more a side-effect than anything. Whatever it was, it gave me flashbacks of Dragon*Con 2002 -- the one where I could only walk when pumped full of painkillers. We ended the session with me plugged into electrodes that made my muscles go "BZZZVVVVVVV" and just sort of quiver in place for 10-20 minutes, which was a very peculiar sensation.

Once done, I wobbled my way out into the parking lot, then off to lunch and back home. By the time I got back here, the pain had all subsided except for leftover fatigue, and even the pulled muscle feels better. In the upcoming weeks, I'm going to be looking at getting back on the weightlifting regimen, which will probably entail getting rid of this disappointing "Bowflex Revolution" and getting something smaller that I can put into the den instead of hiding way back in the basement where I never want to go. I think at this stage the chances of me ever being "svelte" are pretty much nil, so I'm just going to concentrate on my overall health and accept that "pudge" is my natural shape.

Tags: gneech news
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