John "The Gneech" Robey (the_gneech) wrote,
John "The Gneech" Robey

Wardrobe Purge! Watch Out For Flying Neckties!

Every now and again, I have to go through my wardrobe, take stock, expunge everything that isn't suitable (which often tends out to be a surprisingly large amount), then sally forth into the harsh and unfriendly world of "Big and Tall" stores in an attempt to have more than two pairs of pants and one shirt still wearable.

This time I've consigned three trash bags' worth to Goodwill, with another trash bag's worth flat out discarded because they were so worn out as to be unwearable. Many of these were t-shirts that I bought for love but simply can't wear any more, either because they've shrunk, I've grown, or both -- or I wore them until they were so full of holes that one more wearing would reduce them to a thin yellow spray.

Usually, I don't toss something until I know for a fact that I just can't get into it any more; this time I was considerably more ruthless. I had a lot of items in my wardrobe that just barely fit but made me look (or feel) like a stuffed sausage, didn't really look good on me but were passable if everything else was in the laundry, or similar "Desperation Day" outfits. This is a sneakier piece of the hoarding instinct I learned from my mother but have been endeavoring to purge since college -- reinforced by the fact that every once in a blue moon, I am out of clean laundry and have to resort to a Desperation Day item.

But years of this had led there being more Desperation Day items than Every Day items. After all, the Desperation Day items don't wear out, because I almost never wear them. So this round's purge included jettisoning the Desperation Day items. Shirts that fit except for the top button? Gone. Pants that could be zipped if I lay on the floor and suck in my breath? Gone. Ties that made passers-by on the street grab at their eyes and cry out for a merciful God to strike them down? Gone. Failed attempts at Suburban Jungle merchandise? Outa there! [1]

It was a healthy thing to do, and I'm glad I did it. On the other hand, it has left me with two sets of slacks suitable for work, one pair of jeans, and almost no "casual day" shirts other than a couple of polos with the Watering Hole logo on them. So today is "Build Gneech a New Wardrobe!" day. Or possibly, because it will start with a haircut, "Gneech Makeover Day."

Stacy and Clinton, your services will not be needed, but thank you.

I have also been pondering changing up my "Geek Goatee 101" facial hair for something else, but I haven't been able to decide on a good replacement. I absolutely require something in the way of beardage, because otherwise my chin gets lost in the big pink moon that is my face. But a nautical (i.e., "Riker") beard just makes me look scraggly and itches to boot, and I'm not sure I could pull off an artsy "vertical caterpillar beard" or anything like that. So it may be that the Geek Goatee 101 will have to suffice.

-The Gneech

[1] I did reserve a pile for "sentimental items," clothes that I can't or won't wear, but don't want to get rid of, such as the t-shirt I designed for the opening of the Borders Bookstore where I once worked, or the my Call of Cthulhu and Wing Commander III promotional shirts. But they are separated out in my closet so they won't get mixed in to my actual clothes for wearing.
Tags: gneech news, sartorial agony
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