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In the Dungeon Now (filk)

Originally published at gneech.com. You can comment here or there.

To the tune of ‘In the Jailhouse Now’

I had a friend named Five-Finger Ted
a halfling who lived on ale and bread
not the best of rogues when all is said and done
Teddy snuck up to the Viscount
and tried to get “his discount”
but he blew it when his d20 came up with a 1

He’s in the dungeon now
he’s in the dungeon now
The judge just gave him heck
when Teddy blew his diplomacy check
He’s in the dungeon now

I know a human named Oak Strongheart
a manly man of the warrior arts
I told him Ted would no longer make our maps
Oak said, “We’ve got to rescue him, smarty
he’s a member of the party
and who else are we going to get to check for traps?”

He’s in the dungeon now
he’s in the dungeon now
Ol’ Strongheart bit the dirt
’cause the prison wizard cast his sleep spell first
he’s in the dungeon now

Now I’m a cleric of the god of duty
So I went and gathered up all our booty
I figured that I’d use it for the bail
I said, “We’ve got a date over in Myth Drannor
we’ve gotta give some orcs the hammer”
and the righteous bastard tossed me in the jail!

I’m in the dungeon now
I’m in the dungeon now
The judge said, “I can’t believe you would
try to bribe me, you’re Lawful Good!”
I’m in the dungeon now

-The Gneech

(Originally posted to my LiveJournal.)

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