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Grill Fail

Cripes, I can't even get the matches to stay lit. What the heck is up with that? And more importantly, how am I going to cook this beef now? I burned up all the lighter fluid and just have black coals sitting there staring at me as if to say, "Yes, you wanted something?"

Stupid non-burning charcoal. :P

-The Gneech


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 14th, 2010 12:45 am (UTC)
not quite thanksgiving without barbecued turkey....
or Christmas for that matter...

Sep. 13th, 2010 10:31 pm (UTC)
Get a George Foreman grill! ;-)
Sep. 14th, 2010 12:44 am (UTC)
it's just not the same....
I am showing my Central Coast roots here...if my clothes don't have red oak residue, it's not BBQ!

Sep. 13th, 2010 11:58 pm (UTC)
Laser eyes, duh.
Sep. 14th, 2010 12:10 am (UTC)
cotton balls with vaseline on 'em makes good tinder...then throw the matches in...
but that's just my opinion...

Sep. 14th, 2010 12:41 am (UTC)
If you manage to find a source of flame...

Do you have any sassafrass trees nearby? If so, break off a bunch of dead twigs and branches and use those to start a small fire in the grill. If you have other dead wood, go ahead and see how long you can keep the wood fire going. (Put the charcoal briquettes on top of this before you light it...)

Other awesome source of fire-starting material: DRYER LINT, BABY!!!

(I used to carry around a ziplock bag full of sassafrass and dryer lint when I worked at camp, and was the magical fire-starting fairy for groups who couldn't get their cookfires going. :D )
Sep. 14th, 2010 12:49 am (UTC)
Newspaper. Your friend for starting charcoal for years.

The best way to use it is to get a chimney starter (available at target or walmart) and load up the top with charcoal. And then the bottom is loaded with two single pages of newspaper. One match will get the newspaper burning, and start the charcoal with embers. Ten to twenty minutes later... white hot coals that you dump in the grill, and then throw that slab of red meat onto.

Either that, or I've got some spare rocket motors in the back which I can bring over. Will start anything on fire... including the grass... the house... garage... neighbor's house... tree... arriving fire truck... police car... an Army tank... brimstone... concrete... etc.
Sep. 14th, 2010 12:51 am (UTC)
Oh, and don't buy cheap charcoal... it won't burn.

Buy "Kingsford" Match light brand.
Sep. 15th, 2010 06:16 pm (UTC)
No, avoid stuff with built-in lighter fluid. Better is to use chunk charcoal, which is actual charcoal instead of anthracite dust with binders...
Sep. 14th, 2010 07:22 am (UTC)

That's what I was going to suggest.

It's only about $15 at Home Depot (get the Weber brand).

You only need regular charcoal to use it. As Cam said, 2 full sheets of newspaper (or 3-4 tabloid sheets) will have you going in about 20 min. I've never had it fail.
Sep. 14th, 2010 01:33 pm (UTC)
Chimney starters are one of mankind's greatest bbq inventions and also, it seems, one of the least known.

I've a friend who squirts a little olive oil on the paper before he puts it in the starter. He claims it makes the paper burn a little longer and get the charcoal going faster.
Sep. 14th, 2010 01:44 pm (UTC)
Well, it all started when I decided to drink 32 glasses of melonade.
Sep. 20th, 2010 04:53 pm (UTC)
You sure it was charcoal? There's a commercial on TV here about getting glasses. It shows a man in front of a grill throwing a match into the grill and sniffing in the air like he's smelling something and as it pans down to show a big bag the same size as a charcoal bag but sais Dog Food on it and the voice-over says "Missing something?" Then it goes into getting glasses. :)
Sep. 22nd, 2010 02:27 am (UTC)
Can't be dog food, and cat food would fall through the slats. ;P

Sep. 22nd, 2010 02:37 am (UTC)
Between the two, I'm much more of a dog person than a cat person.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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