For the past two nights, my body has been very stubbornly being wide awake at midnight, one a.m., two a.m. — not just awake, but raring to go. I always have some trouble shutting down at the end of the day, but this is ridiculous.
It's made even more ridiculous by the fact that I am at least theoretically supposed to be at work in the morning and alert and productive during the day — an idea that my body just points at and laughs.
This constant state of forcing myself to be awake when my body and brain both want to be asleep, or trying to force myself to sleep when my body and brain both want to be awake, is having other side-effects, such as Wrong Word Syndrome.
You know how your aunt keeps getting your name and your brother's name reversed? And how annoyed she is by it, because she knows your name is John and his is DeOrman but can't stop herself from calling you DeOrman anyway because it just jumps out when she tries to call you John? Or how you try to say "keyboard" and it comes out "mouse," even though you know damn well you don't type on the mouse? Or worse you want to say "keyboard" but there's just a big empty hole in your sentence where "keyboard" is supposed to be because your brain won't retrieve the right word and send it to the mouth? I'm getting that. A lot. My brain is tired and can't operate its own filters because I am supposed to be asleep from 7 a.m. – 3 p.m., but that's exactly what life doesn't allow and so I snatch bits of sleep around the edges instead.
Net result, I was even more dead than usual this morning and just wrote off today as a bad job. I'm awake now, more or less, but it's mostly by virtue of caffeine and ibuprofen. Maybe if I just spend the day in relatively brainless tasks such as cleaning up the house and doing laundry, those parts of my brain that want so badly to be shut down during the daylight hours can indulge themselves without throwing off my sleep schedule any more than it already is.