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Emerging Into the Sunlight

Can a death be "sudden" when you've been expecting it any day for three years? He went in the hospital Wednesday and was gone by Friday morning; basically his body just decided it was time to go and shut down. The time since then, for me at least, has been a blur of taking care of things, scanning photos of my dad, and then signing on to LotRO and grinding mindless tasks to keep myself occupied until the next thing pops up.

As I mentioned before, the kind words from all are very much appreciated. Emotionally, however, I'm all right. My family tends to be a pretty philosophical bunch, and I processed most of my grief about the realization of my dad's mortality long ago. He had a long life and he declared it a good one; we'll all miss him, of course, but he would want us to remember the happiness he gave us over the years, and that's what I intend to do.

There are still a few more steps to take before the journey is over; there's the visitation tonight and the funeral tomorrow. I intend to say a few words and I expect I'll be a pallbearer again. But life also carries on ... I have projects with deadlines that got pushed back by losing the weekend, and Mrs. Gneech and I are in the office today to try to keep from getting too snowed under.

By the end of the week, life will be strangely back to normal. My dad will be gone, yes, but also gone will be the constant dread of seeing my parents' names on Caller ID and wondering if this is THE call.

-The Gneech

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( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
rebelsheart
Feb. 14th, 2011 03:18 pm (UTC)
That last bit about no longer wondering if this call is the call is huge. I fully understand that.
withoneb
Feb. 14th, 2011 04:10 pm (UTC)
We're sorry for your loss. I understand about the call situation. I'm in a similar one at the moment. Personally, I'm ready for it but I'm not quite sure if I can handle other people's grief if that makes any sense.

In any case, please don't stress yourself too much and take it easy.
huskyteer
Feb. 14th, 2011 05:11 pm (UTC)
It's a shock when it happens, no matter how expected - but, yes, in some ways, a relief.

Would like to offer *hugs* if that's not too rude and intrusive.
hollyannvix
Feb. 14th, 2011 05:40 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss :( *hugs*

I lost my dad in September, he had ALS. We all knew it was eventually going to take his life, but no matter how much we braced ourselves for it, we just couldn't really prepare for it emotionally. He was on a steady decline from March-August last year, but when his time came, it was a lot quicker than I thought it would be. Half me is happy that he isn't suffering anymore, he died at home with all of us there; the other half wishes he never got that disease, it's been 5 months now and I'm still on an emotional rollercoaster. I miss him so much.
wyatt1048
Feb. 14th, 2011 07:20 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear about this. No matter how much time there is to prepare, it's never enough.
m0nkeygrl
Feb. 14th, 2011 08:43 pm (UTC)
So sorry for your loss.
jamesbarrett
Feb. 14th, 2011 11:49 pm (UTC)
It's weird but when you came back online after going afk for that phone call and then said, "sorry, family emergency", I suspected then that this was pretty much "that call". So when Mutt told me that night after you called us, I wasn't surprised at all.

I've spent some time since then introspecting about your dad as well. He was one of the coolest adults I knew, even if he didn't talk much :) -Frisk
torakiyoshi
Feb. 14th, 2011 11:57 pm (UTC)
Wow, I've missed a lot of news this weekend. You get big hugs from me, of course, but I am glad to hear you are doing well. Distance means I'm not much help in a material sense, but if you need a shoulder, I'm here.
doodlesthegreat
Feb. 15th, 2011 02:48 am (UTC)
My paternal grandmother put the family through this for a decade. When it's over, you lose all the sadness for a while, the long passage finally over. After a while, you'll find you can cry again, and you'll be on the way to being healed.

Good luck.
genecatlow
Feb. 15th, 2011 10:32 am (UTC)
The 'strangeness' in life going back to normal is: it isn't quite normal. That sense of not-around-any-moreness is going to be there.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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