June 27th, 2003


The Turtle Man

While on the way to work this morning, Laurie and I had to stop for a big ol' box turtle stranded in the middle of the road. Turtles, not exactly being the brightest of creatures, sometimes come out onto the pavement to sun themselves, thinking that it's basically just a really big, dark blue rock.

Now keep in mind, this is northern Virginia. Traffic here wouldn't stop for a blue whale in the middle of the road, much less an 8" turtle. So if we hadn't stopped, it would have been a matter of minutes before he was squooshed. As it is, he had to have been out there a few minutes (it takes a turtle a bit of time to get that far into the road) -- but this road is a busy thoroughfare during rush hour. That means that people had already just swerved around him enough to zoom by without even slowing down. As it was, the moment we stopped and I jumped out of the car, I had to start dodging cars that were swerving around us. (This was a two-lane road, too -- people would rather swerve over the double line into the oncoming lane than to stop for half a minute so some loony redhead can rescue a turtle from the road.)

Fortunately, unlike snapping turtles, box turtles are totally inoffensive -- the most threatening thing they do is curl up into their shell and become a traffic hazard. So all I had to do was pick up the little guy and jog over to the ditch to put him somewhere much more conducive to his long-term welfare. Unfortunately, that then meant that I couldn't eat the muffin I had in the car, 'cause I had to get to work and wash my hands first.

But -- but wait! What's happening???

Oh no ... it was a ... mutant turtle ... body changing ... gaining proportionate speed and strength of a ... turtle! Gyyeeearrrrrggggh! *clothes tearing, skin-changing, cheesy f/x*

  Turtle man, turtle man
  does whatever a turtle can
  stands around, hides in his shell
  Look out! You might bump
  the Turtle Maaan...

-The Gneech
  • Current Mood
    dorky dorky

Firesign Theater

For some reason, snippets of Firesign Theater albums keep going through my head this morning.

"I don't want to say that guy sucks, but he certainly inhales deeply."
-General Y. Tookay, Give Me Immortality, or Give Me Death
  • Current Music
    Tori Amos -- "Raspberry Swirl"

Dad Update

He's mostly coherent and walking around; he's going to be discharged today. Woohoo!

Thanks for the support, everybody. :)

-The Gneech
  • Current Music
    Henry Mancini -- "Peter Gunn"