December 21st, 2003

Kero asleep

Feliz Noveldad

What is it about Christmas in particular that inspires novelty songs? From "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" to the entire repertoire of Alvin and the Chipmunks to "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer," it seems that not a single December goes by without somebody picking up the quill after a little too much eggnog.

This year, fortunately, I've only been subjected to one, which was "Here Comes Menopause, Right Down Menopause Lane." I keep expecting to hear last year's big winner, "I Farted on Santa's Lap (Now Christmas is Going to Stink For Me)," but so far I've lucked out on that score. And there was a brief moment of horrified recognition of Adam Sandler's Hanukkah song, but Laurie's lightning reflexes switched stations before we suffered any permanent damage.

You might think, with my vast collection of Weird Al, The Rutles, and so on, that I'd be just the sort of person who eats up Christmas novelty songs like ginger snaps. But I'm not. In point of fact, I find most of them rather annoying, which seems to be because most of them, or at least most of the ones that have come out since 1985 or so, are of three basic varieties: 1) rudely biological, 2) EEEEEEvil Santa, or 3) Have a Disfunctional Family Christmas. Those same three jokes done over, and over, and over, and over.

I miss intelligent novelty songs, for crying out loud. Tom Lehrer, if the world ever needed you, it's now!

-The Gneech
  • Current Mood
    ho ho ho hum

Speaking of Tom Lehrer

(spoken lyrically)
From the Bible to the popular song
there's one theme we find all along
of all ideals they hail as good
the most sublime is -- "Motherhood."

But there lived once a man it seems
who carried this ideal to extremes
he loved his mother and she loved him
and yet his story, is rather grim!

*jaunty piano riff*

Ooooh, there once lived a man
named Oedipus Rex
you may have heard
about his odd complex
His name appears in Freud's index
'cause he loved his mother

His rivals used to say
quite a bit
that as a monarch
he was most unfit
but still in all, they had to admit
that he loved his mother

Yes he loved his mother
like no other
His daughter was his sister
and his son was his brother
One thing on which you can depend is
he sure knew who a boy's best friend is!

When he found
what he had done
he tore his eyes out
one by one
a tragic end to a loyal son
who loved his mother

(spoken lyrically)
So be sweet and kind to mother
now and then have a chat
buy her candy and some flowers
or a brand new hat
but maybe you had better
let it go at that

Or you may find yourself
with a quite complex cooom-plex!
You might end up like Oedipus
(I'd rather marry
a duck-billed platypus!)
Than wind up like old Oedipus Reeeeeeex!

-The Gneech
  • Current Music
    Tom Lehrer -- "Oedipus Rex" (in my head)