March 26th, 2004


FEH! 'n' Stuff

Last night I had a crash ... one of those "run out of energy, run out of patience, life sucks, just get me into bed and let me sleep" moments that used to be so common when I was still in my depression, but have been fewer and further between as of late. The problem with those is that when you go to sleep that tired, you often wake up just as tired, and so it was with me today. I had to drag myself out of bed, shove breakfast down my throat, mentally lash myself into doing my pushups and crunches, etc. I think it's a testament to stubbornness more than anything else that I managed to get through my morning routine and only be forty minutes late. :P

Well, one thing I learned from fighting the depression, is that happiness can be a choice. Not always, but sometimes, if the mood isn't caused by anything specific but is just bad brain juice, it's possible to exercise your willpower to make the brain juice change. Sleep helps, but when even sleep by itself doesn't do the job, you have to tell yourself, "No, dammit, life is GOOD and I'm going to enjoy it, I don't care what my stupid brain juice says!"

It's said that depression is anger turned inward -- and if that's the case, then turning it back into anger can be effective in getting rid of it. It makes me ANGRY that bad wiring in my brain wants me to be upset when I've got a good life -- and I'm going to be happy JUST TO SPITE IT!

And almost like magic, the bad brain juice turns into a whimpering, whipped little thing that cowers in a corner of my mind saying, "Don't hurt me, I'm sorry!"

And suddenly, I can laugh again. :)

Life is good. :)

-The Gneech
  • Current Music
    Devo -- "Whip It"