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September 9th, 2005

Pip, Pip!

Someone very kindly donated to the Suburban Jungle tip jar while I was away at MFM, so I used the unexpected windfall to pick up a back issue of The Chap ... specifically the issue with Stephen Fry on the cover (of course).

I was talking last night with laurie_robey about the perfect magazine I'd like to see, and while I suspect that 'The Chap' isn't quite it, there are elements of it there. The magazine I'd like to see would have elements from Mental Floss, a dash of Gentlemen's Quarterly, a hefty chunk of The New Yorker, and maybe just a bit Saturday Evening Post. I'd like to see airy articles on culture, the arts, maybe some fashion ... the only verboten topics would be politics and angst. My first issue dream team would include Stephen Fry, Steve Martin, Richard Curtis, and maybe Dave Barry.

You could even call it "The Perfect Magazine." That'd be cool. :)

-The Gneech

Fictionlet

"I must take issue," Greg said, "with this casual bashing of anyone of the male persuasion. I realize that once upon a time it was all the vogue for men to stand around bemoaning the wickedness of woman, and that for some time now women have been enjoying getting some of their own back. I don't begrudge that; in fact, I applaud it. However, I think we have reached the saturation point on this particular issue."

"Oh you do, do you?" said Brigid. "Well, that's just like a man."

Greg ignored the comment and swept on. "The cliché that men are all inconsiderate, unperceptive babies who only care about jiggling flesh, beer, and the big game is just as detrimental as the idea that women are irrational gold-diggers who can't do math and only care about shoes."

"Lots of men are inconsiderate, unperceptive babies who only care about jiggling flesh, etc., etc.," said Brigid.

"That's as may be," said Greg. "But not as many as pop culture would have you believe. And that's not the point. The point is that we need to cultivate a better image than this. Not just for men, mind you ... when it comes to the battle of the sexes, my inclination is to lay down my arms and say, 'Can't we all just get along?' But we need to create an image to aspire to, for both men and women, to lift us up out of this postmodern funk."

"And who do we model this image on?" asked Brigid. "You?"

"Of course not me," said Greg. "I am a muddleheaded chump. I knew from early life that 'muddleheaded chump' was my vocation and I've devoted my life to being the best muddleheaded chump I could be. I was thinking of somebody like Da Vinci, or Thomas Jefferson, at least for men. For women, I don't know, who would you consider the ideal?"

"Actually, I kinda like Da Vinci myself," Brigid said.

"You can't have Da Vinci, he was a man!"

"Says you! I'm taking Da Vinci, and let's see you try to stop me!"

Greg shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Women!" he said.

-The Gneech

<-- previous B&G
next B&G -->
I started on a journey
just about a year ago
to a little town called Morrow
in the state of Ohio.
I've never been much of a traveller
and I really didn't know
that Morrow was the hardest place
I'd ever try to go!

So I went down to the station
for my ticket and applied
for tips regarding Morrow
not expecting to be guyed.
Said I, "My friend, I'd like to get
to Morrow and return
no later than tomorrow
for I haven't time to burn."

Said he to me:
"Now let me see
if I have heard you right.
You'd like to go to Morrow
and return tomorrow night.
You should have gone to Morrow
yesterday and back today
for the train that goes to Morrow
is a mile upon its way.

"If you had gone to Morrow
yesterday, now don't you see,
you could have gone to Morrow
and returned today at three.
For the train today to Morrow
if the schedule is right,
today gets it to Morrow
and returns tomorrow night."

Said I, "I'd like to go to Morrow,
so can I go today
and get to Morrow by tonight
if there is no delay?"
"Well, well," I said to him,
and I've got no more to say,
"Can you get anywhere tomorrow
and get back again today?"

Said I, "I guess you know it all
but kindly let me say,
how can I get to Morrow
if I leave this town today?"
Said he, "You cannot go to Morrow
any more today,
for the train that goes to Morrow
is a mile upon its way."

I was so disappointed
I was mad enough to swear!
The train had gone to Morrow
and it left me standing there.
The man was right in telling me,
"You are a howling jay!
You cannot go to Morrow."
So I guess in town I'll stay.

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