April 19th, 2006

Archie Milk

Revised Fictionlet

"Hey, Brigid!" said Darla, sweeping into the office lunchroom. "Listen to this, my sister sent me this one!" She opened up one of her several folders and pulled out what appeared to be the printed version of an e-mail.

"Well, that proposal is due this afternoon," Brigid said, poking at her ramen noodles. "I really should get back to--"

"It'll only take a minute," Darla said. "Come on, have a little fun!"

Several juicy responses flashed through Brigid's mind before she settled on "Yes, tell me, I'm all a-quiver."

"Why are men like parking places?" Darla asked, looking like she might burst at any moment.

"Gee," said Brigid. "I cannot possibly imagine. Why, oh please won't you tell me, are men like parking places?"

Darla, barely able to talk around her giggles, replied, "Because the good ones are taken, and the rest are all handicapped!"

A few of the other women in the room joined Darla in her laughing fit; "Oh yeah, that's a hum-dinger," Brigid said.

"Want me to forward it to you?" Darla asked. "My sister always finds the funniest jokes! There's this one where you're supposed to click around to find the exit to a maze, but the sound is real quiet so you have to turn the volume way up, and then this screaming, bloody kid jumps out! I don't know where she finds all this stuff!"

"I don't know why she finds this stuff," Brigid didn't say. Instead she just stood up. "No thanks," she said, tossing her empty noodle container. "I'm sure I'd end up laughing so hard that I'd heave up my lunch, and none of us wants that!"

-The Gneech

[Note: This Fictionlet was originally posted sometime back, but I wasn't satisfied with the original. This one is better, and includes a suggestion from vverevvolf. Thanks, dude!]

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Happy Happy!

Happy birthday to banditloaf and depoisson! Also, happy belated birthday to kevinjdog, whose birthday fell on the 100th anniversary of the great San Francisco earthquake and fire of 1906!

For your present, here's Today's Forgotten English!

A party of pleasure, differing from a picnic in that it occupies several days instead of one.
--Robert Hunter's Encyclopaedic Dictionary, 1894

Pleasure Cruise Runs Amok
On this date in 1536, Capt. Richard Hore and 120 passengers, including thirty male aristocrats and crew, departed England in two chartered ships on the first known sightseeing trip to the New World. But this poorly planned voyage became a debacle. The shipboard edibles proved to be grossly inadequate, so when the vessel docked in Newfoundland desperate attempts were made to scrounge meals from the unfamiliar flora and fauna. Further, the captain's log revealed that a number of famished travelers not only lost their sense of adventure but also began feasting on their shipmates -- prompting Hore to deliver a talk discouraging the consumption of human flesh. Fortunately, a French vessel happened along, and its crew provided nourishment and return passage for the stranded tourists -- albeit unwillingly.

"Mr. Howell? Why are you looking at me like that? Skipper? SKIPPER???"

-The Gneech
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