June 24th, 2006

Jeeves Strangle


"Right Jeeves, kindly be so good as to shivvy out a bag and pour some clothes into it. We're off to the country to see good old Scottie 'Cornflakes' Kellogg plight his troth to the young and estimable Miss Garrison."

"Very good, sir. May I take it that sir is proposing to attend the wedding in, er, that shirt?"

"What do you mean, that shirt, Jeeves?"

"Well, sir--"

"All right, Jeeves, out with it, what's wrong with this shirt?"

"If you will pardon my saying so, sir, bright fuschia is not your color, sir. Particularly not when worn with a black-and-yellow bumblebee-stripe tie. The effect is alarming, sir."

"Not my color? Are you mad, Jeeves?"

"No sir, merely disappointed."


"If I may recommend, sir, this chestnut red shirt suits your complexion much more readily, and when combined with your charcoal tie with the small, dark crimson highlight, creates an effect which is both pleasing to the eye, and suited to an occasion of import such as this."

"Oh. Er. Really, Jeeves?"

"Indubitably, sir."

"Well what about trousers?"

"The deep brown, ones, sir. And for shoes, the chestnut Deer Stags; they match the color of the shirt almost precisely, sir, creating just the right note of coordination without being too blatant."

"Hmm. Well. Yes, you may be on to something there, Jeeves. Very good, lay them out."

"Very good, sir."

"You know that my old chum Level Head and the esteemed Mrs. Level Head will be there. Not to mention Makovette and who-knows-who-else?"

"It will indeed be a pleasure to renew the acquaintance, sir."

"By that you've said a mouthful, Jeeves! It should be a night of revelry and high tales! Or at least bad puns."

"I'm sure you will find it most enjoyable, sir."

"So am I, Jeeves, so am I! What's that thing, you know, that people are always shouting out in Scottie's comic at the top of their lungs? Starts with an 'f'."

"I think perhaps you are referring to the colloquial phrase, 'Johnny Freakinouter', sir."

"Bang in one, Jeeves, that's the baby! I'm so pipped about the whole thing that I'm inclined to run about the house crying 'Johnny Freakinouter'!"

"Lie down while I pack your things, sir. The feeling will pass."

"Er. Well. Yes. I think I shall hie myself over to the coffeehouse for a spot of breakfast, actually. Carry on, Jeeves, carry on. And make sure the chestnut shirt and the charcoal tie are on hand. I shall be back to pick you up shortly."

"Very good, sir. Thank you, sir."

-The Gneech
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