(forest, night; whippoorwills and crickets)
WITCH: Darksome night and shining moon; east, then south, then west, then north. Hearken to the witches' rune: here we come to—
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: The Totley-In-the-Wold Women's Institute, I presume?
PROFESSOR DUNNING (distant): Lionheart?
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: Professor! Game's up, I'm afraid.
PROFESSOR DUNNING: Oh! Praise the Lord!
WITCH: By the Key of Solomon! Who the devil are you?
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: Lionheart. Military intelligence. Here.
WITCH: What does that say? MIB?
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: MI13.
OTHER WITCH: MI-who?
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: 13.
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: (Sigh.) MI1, they're the codebreakers. MI2, that's Scandinavian Intelligence. MI3's eastern Europe. MI4 is, erm...
PROFESSOR DUNNING: Aerial Reconnaissance!
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: Yes, thank you Dunning. MI5 is—
OTHER WITCH: Espionage!
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: That's right.
WITCH: So what's MI13?
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: Ah, well, we're new, you see. We investigate the out-of-the-ordinary, the unexplained, the...
PROFESSOR DUNNING: Downright weird!
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: Quite.
WITCH: It's not what it looks like, Mister Lionheart.
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: No? Well I have your newsletter here. "February the second, midnight 'til 2:00 a.m., human sacrifice in St. Ethelred's woods, bring sandwiches and warm clothing."
WITCH: I told you not to mention the sacrifice!
OTHER WITCH: Oh dear, sorry Doreen.
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: Now then, ladies, I really must insist you untie Professor Dunning.
WITCH: Ha! I'm afraid you've bitten off more than you can chew this time, Mister Lionheart!
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: Oh yes?
WITCH: We are witches! Tonight we celebrate the ritual of Imbolc, and we will be one with Satan! And neither you nor anybody else can stop us!
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: And why not?
WITCH: Because we can FLY
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: No you can't.
WITCH: I'm flying! Hahahahaha!
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: No you're not. You're jumping up and down.
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: Oh for goodness' sake.
PROFESSOR DUNNING: Can someone untie me, please?
INSPECTOR LIONHEART: I used to have a proper job.
PS: The Scarifyers
, starring Nicholas Courtney (a.k.a. Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart) and Terry Malloy (a.k.a. Davros). Terrific stuff.