May 21st, 2012


Slowly Becoming Myself Again

There's a whole lot of miscellaneous stuff built up, which I'm just going to write down as I think of it, but it's all stuff that's been in or near my mind lately and I want to address here.

On top of all of the stuff associated with Sandy, we were already busy. laurie_robey is getting training this week and then has some fairly hefty surgery in a couple of weeks that will knock her for a loop for a period of unknown duration but measured in weeks. During that time, I'll be doing anything and everything around the house that involves leaning over or pushing, pulling, or lifting anything heavier than five pounds, as well as the driving, the shopping, etc.

Of course, right in the middle of that is AnthroCon. Also right in the middle of that, I've unexpectedly been asked to be on a panel at BroNYCon, which kinda came out of the blue at me. The night before BroNYCon, however, Laurie and I will be at WolfTrap with my mum, watching Pirates of Penzance, meaning I'll have to get up in the Whee! hours to get to the con in time for my panel. I was originally looking at going up with Natasha and Quilly, but they're going on Friday, so that's kind of out. I might just drive myself, I dunno.

A few of you have noticed there hasn't been any Short Story Geeks podcast recently. We do actually have one recorded, it's been sitting on my hard drive for a month? Two months? But I haven't had the oomph to get to it. I'm thinking of just calling that one a "lost episode" and gathering the guys to record a fresh one, but probably not until July, when my schedule opens up again a bit.

Speaking of opening schedules, there is a moderate chance that I will be cutting back to 30 hours/week at my day job. This is wonderful for my free time-- but not so great for the finances. If that happens, I will have to start actually doing things like taking commissions and doing freelance work on the side. It might be a Grand Thing, or it might be Some Scary Shit... this has not been determined.

Oh! Speaking of commissions and AnthroCon and such, I'm thinking of doing some prints of the "Pony Vs. Dalek" series to take to AC. Good idea? Y/N I'm a little worried that the market will be flooded with ponies and that particular bubble might be getting ready to burst. But at the same time, I don't really have anything else new to take. It's not exactly been a good year for me, creatively speaking. I dunno.

Also, re: cons, the time has come to say we are officially skipping Dragon*Con this year. I shall probably also not be at Further Confusion in January. Is it wrong of me to resent the fact that you have to plan for cons nine months ahead any more? I miss being able to decide a month before to get a table. -.-

Anything else? *thinks*

Hmm. I can't think of anything at the moment. If something else comes to me, I'll let you know. Do you have any questions for me?

Kero asleep

Random Ranty Ramble (Not Actually That Ranty)

It's weird how certain people can be so tightly locked with your associations of a thing, that when they are gone, everything is off. I guess this is what parents mean when they say the house seems empty without the kids.

Besides obvious recent events, what's got me thinking on this is that there are a lot of activities which some or many of the people with whom I once used to enjoy those events, particularly early on, have wandered off or are hard to connect with... and it's surprising how hard it's made it for me to continue enjoying those things.

Case in point: furry cons. I got into furry cons over ten years ago now, which just sorta boggles my mind, but so very many of the people I used to love going to those cons to see have either cut back or just stopped going, that I end up hanging out the the same "gang of four" that I see at every con just because they're the ones I know. Unfortunately, one of those (Vince) will not be at AC, leaving us with a gang of three; and unfortunately for Vince, I will not be at FC, putting him in the same position. Unless I do a bonzai trip (as Kerry calls them) to MFF, I will not see Vince again this year. That distresses me.

Heck, for that matter, just going to cons without Kerry is hard. :(

Another case in point: the Twitterponies. One of the long-term Twitterponies players, in fact the one who more or less made it possible for me to join and in fact with whom I did most of my playing for a long time, has cut back to the point of effectively being gone, and it's been a real punch in the gut to my enjoyment of the RP. It's not that we don't have a ton of other great players, 'cos we do and I love 'em! But there are times when I find myself thinking, without this other particular player, that the RP feels... empty.

A lot of this, I'm sure, is a side-effect of grief. My Aunt Iris, my dad, Waarhorse, now Sandy... I've had a rough year-and-a-half. :( But some of it is also just my introvert nature. While I have a ton of acquaintances that I'm quite fond of, I don't have lots and lots of friends. I have a few very close friends that I am very attached to-- probably more attached to some of them than they are to me, I might as well face-- and so every one of those who is carried away by the currents of life (or worse, is lost forever) is a real wrench for me. And it isn't easy for me to find new people I become that close to.

It's not like I have a real definable "friend-making" process... generally after a bit of time I either "click" with a person, or I don't. Sometimes I encounter someone and I get an uncanny "we've been friends forever, we just hadn't met yet" thing, and that always frightens me because I'm afraid I'm going to come on too strong or do something annoying and put them off. I spend weeks, maybe months second-guessing myself, trying not to alienate this new friend, in the ironic position of feeling all awkward precisely because I feel so at ease. Go fig! XD

Anyway, as I say, this is all just on my mind tonight, as I examine the upcoming months/year and try to figure out what I'm going to do with myself. So many things, I find myself looking at them and saying, "Yeah, but it's just not the same any more..." I have to come to grips with the fact that they aren't the same any more, they are what they are, and that's the way it's always going to be. I have to find ways to be interested in what's happening right now, and take solace in the family and friends that I've got, and stop thinking so much about how things once were, or how I wish they could be.

Which is easy to type. Not necessarily easy to do. But I'm working on it.

-The Gneech