August 7th, 2013

Jeeves Strangle


“Wait,” said Brigid. “You’re not writing another sequel to Retrograde Maneuvers? It’s your biggest success so far.”

“I know,” said Greg, “and I fully intend to go back to that, but this horror novel idea has really grabbed me, so to speak. Like Mary Shelley did with Frankenstein, I think I could really explore not just what means to be human, but how to–”

“When do they have sex?” said Brigid. “The marketers will need to know.”

“Uh, what?” said Greg.

“The vampire and the werewolf, when do they have sex?”

“You mean, like, with each other?” said Greg.

Brigid shifted her weight, switching into lecture mode. “I don’t know that much about literary fic, I realize, but I can teach you something about publishing horror. Where in the story the vampire and the werewolf have sex determines your genre, and in publishing, genre is everything. If it happens in act three, it’s ‘fantasy/horror.’ If it happens in act two, it’s ‘paranormal romance.’”

“There aren’t actually any vampires or werew–”

“If it’s acts one, two, and three, of course, it’s porn. Which honestly, is your best bet for sales. I can suggest some authors if you want to study their technique.”

“Yes, well,” said Greg. “You’ve certainly taught me something about publishing horror.”

“That’s what friends are for,” said Brigid.

-The Gneech

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Originally published at You can comment here or there.


My tweets

  • Tue, 12:01: Hmm... have I mentioned how grateful I am that Twitter is full of awesome people? Thanks for being here, awesome tweeps!
  • Tue, 12:11: Programming tip: Using variables within variable names leads to madness and despair. Don't do it.
  • Tue, 12:13: What you CAN do and what you SHOULD do are not the same! // RT @AsheValisca: But can I alias and alias of an alias?
  • Tue, 12:14: MADNESS, I TELL YOU // RT @mortonfox: Yo dawg, I heard you like variables… :)
  • Tue, 13:05: Oddly enough, I absolutely believe there are poseur geeks, but all the ones I've encountered were guys.
  • Tue, 13:06: I also believe that they're very rare, easy to spot, and don't have any staying power, so it's not like they're worth calling out on it.
  • Tue, 13:08: Poseur geek: wants to show you how much they know. Real geek: wants to learn from you.
  • Tue, 13:10: ...then you're really a poseur, I guess? XD // RT @SeiferA: What if you're both?
  • Tue, 13:11: In other news, somebody tossed this at my LJ friends list this morning. Now I want to go to Candy Mountain. >.>
  • Tue, 13:26: Hey, if Hello Kitty is fair game... /RT @GeekGirlCon: Pinkie Pie-themed Prtn Pack by @JudsonHudson #MLP #Ghostbusters
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