May 6th, 2015

beachy

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Mysterious Beard

A New Theory About Cats and Astrophysics

The fact that cats honor the laws of spacetime more in the breach than in the observance is old news. But what frankly astonishes me in regards to my own particular cats is that somehow, they poop out approximately double their own mass every four hours. Given that they are only given three ounces of food each in the morning and evening, this mass must come from somewhere.

It is therefore my theory that all that missing dark matter, presumably being sucked down black holes? Is actually reappearing in litterboxes across the universe.

It is, frankly, the only thing that makes sense.

-The Gneech