John "The Gneech" Robey (the_gneech) wrote,
John "The Gneech" Robey

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The defining characteristic of a geek, is enthusiasm.

You can be a comics geek, a movie geek, a fantasy geek, a sports geek, whatever-- but what makes you geeky is your overriding love for and interest in ________. For many, if not most geeks, that's what makes them who they are.

I've been having a lot of trouble with that, lately. As I put it on a button, "My give-a-damn is broken."

As I've written about before, this is not a happy place for me. In point of fact, it sucks. Although I used to joke about the fact that it would be a relief to not be compelled to write and draw all the time, I didn't mean it. Exhausting as it was, it was still who I was, and without it, I feel lost.

I cannot write lately, and I can barely draw, and the core reason for both is the same: I feel like I have nothing to say. And the reason I feel like I have nothing to say, is because I can't bring myself to give a damn about anything.

To be honest, it's awful. And I don't know how to fix it.

I have recently started up counseling again, and that's helped lift me out of the serious depression I'd fallen into earlier this year; my main hope now is that as the depression continues to lift, my ability to be enthused about things will return. In the meantime, I'm attempting to muscle through on pure willpower. I keep plugging away on projects in the hope that one of them will break through the fog and make me excited again. And there are occasional sparks, so maybe one will actually light a fire soon.

I sure hope so. I'm tired of having nothing to say. -.-

-The Gneech
Tags: geekery, writer's block, writing life
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