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Tired of Grief

I occurred to me today, whilst ruminating on other things, that I have been more or less in a constant state of grief for several years now. It has waxed and waned depending on how long it's been since somebody close to me has died, but it's never really gone away because just as I start to recover from one loss, another comes right behind it. I have friends now who've never known me from a time before I was grieving for somebody close to me. That's just messed up.

Frankly, I'm tired. I guess you'd call it "grief fatigue?" I'm sorta like, "Did I spend all those years and all that effort mastering my depression, just to end up saddled with a state of perma-grief? Not cool!"

Grief, of course, is a process, so it's not like I can just switch it on or off. But I've also reached the point where I don't want to go through the Five Stage Dance again. Not sure what (if anything) I can do to fast-forward the process, but I'm sure as heck gonna try. I'm sick of it.

-The Gneech


Mar. 8th, 2013 12:47 am (UTC)
The holes that are left behind in our lives, as those we love and care about leave us, will never fully go away.

This is okay, and normal, and the ragged, sensitive edges left behind do heal over time.

It's important that we don't let this define us, though. We need to celebrate life, our own, and the lives that ours touch. There is still Joy out there, and it's important to find it, and share it.

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