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Tired of Grief

I occurred to me today, whilst ruminating on other things, that I have been more or less in a constant state of grief for several years now. It has waxed and waned depending on how long it's been since somebody close to me has died, but it's never really gone away because just as I start to recover from one loss, another comes right behind it. I have friends now who've never known me from a time before I was grieving for somebody close to me. That's just messed up.

Frankly, I'm tired. I guess you'd call it "grief fatigue?" I'm sorta like, "Did I spend all those years and all that effort mastering my depression, just to end up saddled with a state of perma-grief? Not cool!"

Grief, of course, is a process, so it's not like I can just switch it on or off. But I've also reached the point where I don't want to go through the Five Stage Dance again. Not sure what (if anything) I can do to fast-forward the process, but I'm sure as heck gonna try. I'm sick of it.

-The Gneech

Comments

kestrelcat
Mar. 8th, 2013 03:40 pm (UTC)
I understand what you are going through (well some of it anyway) and I am very sorry for your loses. It'll be 8 yrs in June for me since the lose of my first husband and since then 3 beloved furry family members have gone wherever it is they go when they leave us. I miss them all very much.Sigh.

I guess what I am trying to say is there is no right way to grieve and it'll take as long as it takes. Not helpful I know but that's the reality of this for about 99% of the widows I have met since his death. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

You are entirely right that grief is exhausting. It sucks. All I can advise is to take care of yourself and let others do the same for you. Galadrion can attest that how hard the lesson was for me to learn.

And if you want to chat at all I will listen. Others did/do the same for me and that helps so much.

Kestrelcat

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