The first was to simply write a bunch of rambly stream-of-consciousness thoughts this morning, ranging from random observations on the whole past lives idea and its implications, to specific questions for myself and potential avenues of exploration. I examined the recurring patterns of my life, the situations I find myself in over and over again and the themes that keep coming up, but I didn't delve too deep into what the patterns might mean yet. I figured that for a start, just making a note of some of them would be a good first step.
One idea that comes up in discussion of reincarnation/past lives is the "soul group." These are people who you encounter again and again across multiple lifetimes, in various roles based on what the intended purpose of the current given life is. To that end, I also made a list of people who have been important in my life, for good or ill, regardless of how long they were in it. Some of that made it onto Twitter as I remembered a particularly painful "friendship break-up" when I was about 10 years old that left deeper scars than I realized until recently. I only knew the person for a year or two, and I've never seen them since, but effects were profound. On the other hand, there are people I've known literally my whole life (as in, probably came to see me in the maternity ward) who didn't get put onto the list because in the grand scheme of things they just haven't had that big of an impact.
Combined with my list of patterns and questions, it was a revealing exercise. I'm not ready to go into detail about it here (and a lot of it is definitely TMI anyway), but it has at least given me plenty to reflect on.
The second exercise for today was that I turned down the lights, sat in a comfy chair, and attempted the past-life exercise here:
The results were very mixed. Whenever I would "let go" of conscious control, my brain would attempt to doze off, which suggests to me that next time I should probably take a nap first. It's no secret that I don't sleep anywhere near as much as I should, and laurie_robey being away has only made that worse, as she normally tanks the cats at breakfast time, allowing me to gain a few extra hours of sleep in the morning.
So some energy was wasted in simply trying to stay awake. Other distractions included my hands repeatedly falling asleep (combined with my hand tremors, I am beginning to wonder if there is something neurological going on there), and a tree branch against the window that has taken to scraping constantly recently. So more lessons for next time: try a different chair that will hopefully not put my hands to sleep, and use headphones.
Once actually in the exercise itself, I didn't get past the stage of recalling a childhood incident, because of instead of picking one and drilling down deep into it, my brain kept jumping from memory to memory, trying desperately to find an unreservedly happy one. Given my lifelong issues with depression and unfortunate tendency to focus on things that are irking me, this was obviously difficult. My mind seems to regard happiness as "the absence of irritants," but it also has a ridiculously-sensitive irritation trigger.
Childhood memories that did come up, that I can recall now:
- Whiffle ball with family in front yard at Odgenland
- "Weeeeno, weeeeno, weeeeno!" with Danny (We were five, you had to be there.)
- Playing with a kitchen set in kindergarten
- Playing by myself with a toy Batmobile in the living room at Odgenland
The main other incident of note during the exercise was that I felt the chair go bump, as if one of the cats had jumped into my lap (which is what I thought had happened). I opened my eyes in response only to find that all the cats were asleep in various spots around the room and there was nothing apparent that could have created such a bump. I'm guessing it was a hallucination or possibly synaesthesia from some kind of noise from outside?
Or maybe we've got ghost cats, I dunno. That kitten from a couple years ago?