So today I gave it another shot, using a study carrel at the Reston Library by an accident of logistics. The change of venue was a little distracting, but not overwhelmingly so. I called up the Brian Weiss video on my phone, tucked in my earbuds, and off I went. I'm sure this session was influenced by my recent remembrances of my late friend KimbaWLion, as will as my discussions earlier today with Inkblitzer about the notion of souls transcending species.
The first thing I noticed was that my visualization of "healing color" was much stronger than I've had before. It wasn't a single color, but cycled between cerulean blue, pale violet, and into deep purple, depending on what was going on.
The main childhood memory that came up was a weird and embarrassing one that I don't really want to discuss in a public venue, because it was one of those "kids do very strange things" moments, involving a closet at Ogdenland in which I spent a lot of time hiding. Suffice to say my parents' reaction to the incident left an impression on me and leave it at that.
It wasn't the only childhood memory that came up, however. Another was waiting alone in one of the classrooms at the Schaefer private school in Falls Church, while my parents talked to the administrators about my possible enrollment. There was a jigsaw puzzle of an illustration of Frankenstien's monster there, and I was assembling it while I waited, finding the artist's interpretation of the creature quite interesting because it had nothing to do with the Boris Karloff version. That segued into another memory of one of my classmates in that same room, many months later, who had the Star Trek Phaser Battle Game, an ancient licensed Mego toy that I had long dreamed of. But he wouldn't let anyone else play it, leading one to wonder why he'd bothered to bring the thing.
"In utero" memories failed to bring any results.
The past life memory section started with a series of peculiar images that I couldn't easily parse, until I realized I was looking at some sort of plant matter, but huge. It took me several baffled moments to work out that it wasn't huge, I was small: it wasn't a human self at all, but an animal, and the things I was looking at were some sort of buds like turnip plants. They were clustered together around the trunk of a tree, which seemed incredibly huge in the memory, but upon reflection was probably of a fairly ordinary size.
The next image I got was from up in the tree, looking down at a bench and a streetlamp, apparently in some sort of park. From this I came to the conclusion that I must have been a squirrel. At this point in the session Mr. Weiss prompts you to go to the last day of that life, which seemed a little premature as I was just starting to get a handle on it. However, the image that came from that prompt was simply lying still, staring up at the tree and unable to move. Maybe I fell out of it and broke my neck? When Mr. Weiss suggested trying to float above that scene and look down at yourself, I could just make out a white critter-like shape, with arms curled up at its chest.
Mr. Weiss asks, "Why are you remembering this life now? What message is it trying to convey to you?" So I thought about that, and in particular I thought about it in connection with the Ogdenland memory, and the recurring theme seemed to be mistaking a very limited sphere of influence for being the totality of the world. We were pretty isolated at the Ogden Street house, making a lot of life there a little family microcosm where every weird little thing became huge and important. Similarly, "squirrel Gneech" seemed to be completely tied to his tree, having little to no knowledge of the world beyond, and ending his life at the foot of it.
This strikes me as an obvious parallel for the idea that the physical world is a projection of a larger one, and that mistaking the world around us for being all that is in unnecessarily limiting ourselves when there's a lot more out there, which is of course what all this meditation has been about.
On the way "back" to your body, you are encouraged to imagine a spiritual guide, and I was a little surprised that KimbaWLion presented himself in the role (although in retrospect it's like duh, of course he did). We had little to say in terms of words, simply hugged as long-separated friends would do. I told him how much I missed him, and when I asked if he had any messages or lessons for me, he said, "You're doing it right. Just keep on going." That was very comforting. :)
And that was pretty much it. I gave Kimba a fond farewell and ended the meditation, feeling very happy and at peace with the world.
Three Good Things For Today
- The meditation (as described here) and "seeing" my old friend KimbaWLion.
- A very positive session with my counselor afterwards.
- Finished another chapter in my second draft, now roughly 5,000 words up.
Three Goals For Tomorrow
- Leaf-viewing trip! :D
- Get more writing done.
- Watch another episode or two of Legend of Korra.
That's all for now. Gnite world, and have an awesome tomorrow. I love ya. <3