I trusted nobody by the time I was eight. I wasn’t aware I didn’t trust anyone, but it governed everything about my life. The physical hiding very quickly become emotional hiding well before I became a teenager. As I went through my twenties and thirties I just kept re-enforcing it. The less I trusted the world not to hurt me, the more it did. And the more I hurt, the more I hid.
I was desperately lonely. I couldn’t make close friends because I was constantly thinking nobody cared about me. Of course, it was my own behaviour that kept everybody at bay. It was all my own doing, running on a subconscious loop of self-sabotage.
I thought I was desperate to be liked, but actually, I had a far greater need to be left alone. On the surface I was happy and cheerful, but deep down my subconscious was ensuring my need to be left alone was reflected in my hiding my light every chance I had.
In other news, will post my pics from the Women's March later today.
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