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Grinding Levels Through Life

The devs working on my life have apparently gotten stuck on what's supposed to happen next, because I've been stuck grinding this same level for a year now.

It wouldn't be entirely accurate to say that no progress is being made: I'll soon have another issue of the comic out the door, and a new project officially launches on Monday. I am back down below 300 lbs and continuing to improve on that front. But the "waiting for _______ to get here" theme that has been a defining element of my life for way too much forever, is still there, and I am honestly pretty sick of it.

After conferring with all affected parties, California is waiting on the appearance of a job. To that end, I've been sending off applications, an average of 4-6 a week, and I have had some interviews, but the net result keeps being "We want someone with more formal experience." A story that I had thought was sold came back when the anthology it was sold to got cancelled; I immediately sent it off to another another anthology, but it was declined. I have received polite no-thank-you's from almost all the agents I sent the Sky Pirates book to, and the remaining ones I don't expect to hear from, meaning that to carry that any further, I'm going to have to go back to square one and find a whole new batch of agents to send it to... or write another book.

In LoA circles, the general advice is to act as if you've already got what you want, and life will arrange itself accordingly. So I've been trying to figure out: okay, if I could snap my fingers and just have the life I wanted today, what would actually be different? How would Fully Actualized Gneech in California look and act differently from Grinding Gneech in Maryland? What is it that I picture being different?

Unfortunately, the answer all seems to be in externalities. Sunnier days, being closer to the beach and being more active outside generally, more of my friends in one localized area, that kind of thing. But when I think about what's actually bugging me right now, it's mostly concerns about finances, worry about the piss-poor state of the country and the broken climate, and feeling isolated. The finances and the isolation I could theoretically fix here by finding a local job (and/or selling some friggin' books) and using Meetup.com to find some clubs or a gaming group or something. The country and the climate are larger, long-term problems that are going to be problems anywhere. I have been avoiding digging in locally because I don't want to have to dig back out whenever the theoretical California job appears... but that leaves me floating in limbo.

Honestly, if I could get around the money problem, the rest would fall naturally into place. Drawing comics and writing books are things I naturally do, those are my "vocation." Turning them into a source of comfortable income is the place where I always run into trouble. It was fine when [personal profile] laurie_robey was bringing in sufficient income for the both of us, but that isn't the case any more and we have to deal with that.

I think I need to go back and do a refresher on what I actually want my life to be like, the proverbial "ideal day" exercise, and do a little compare/contrast to figure out how it's different from my actual not-so-ideal life and why. Then I can refocus on concrete ways to move from the one, to the other.

-The Gneech

This entry was originally posted at http://the-gneech.dreamwidth.org/2649095.html. You may comment there or here.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 25th, 2017 11:40 pm (UTC)
Rather a lot of that is a little too familiar, I admit, including the need to be (back, in my case) in a locale where I can thrive, where each day is invigorating from the moment of looking out over the rooftops and feeling, quite simply, glad to be alive. ^_^

On the other paw, you do have someone very special in your life, which probably counts for a great deal. (I've known romantic love, but not in a while. It may have departed, but I'll always be warmed by the memories)

In an ideal word, would you find yourself in San Francisco, LA, San Diego, or somewhere else entirely? (Not necessarily within the US, of course, though immigration on a temporary or permanent basis is seldom rendered straightforward by any government)
Feb. 27th, 2017 01:06 am (UTC)
I really like Ventura, Pismo Beach, and San Luis Obispo, but almost all of my CA friends are up in the Bay Area or around Los Angeles, so I'm currently looking at the Bay Area. I'm quite fond of Capitola, for instance.

The things I really want in a place to live are:

1) ample sunshine with minimal humidity
2) mild/short winters
3) easy access to both beaches and forests
4) friends in easy reach
5) progressive politics

Anywhere in the world that had these things (and English being common enough that I could easily get through the average day) would be fine, but California comes the closest of everywhere I actually know about.

Mar. 5th, 2017 02:08 pm (UTC)
I notice one of your themes is "financial worries" and another is "the place I live now and the place I want to move to both have a high cost of living", which is not an ideal combo either. :/
Mar. 5th, 2017 03:03 pm (UTC)
There's no denying the two are related, but without making book sales, I couldn't afford to live in a a cheaper town either. XD

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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