John "The Gneech" Robey (the_gneech) wrote,
John "The Gneech" Robey

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Le Sigh!

I must admit, I'm a bit down today. There is a lot of stuff happening all at once, and while I'm fortunate to be alive and have a home that's not under Lake New Orleans, I can't help but feel gloomy nonetheless.

Some of it is sadness about the aforementioned New Orleans. While I don't have any particular tie to the city myself, just the very fact that a major U.S. city is being abandoned, is something of a blow to a person. New Orleans is (was, perhaps someday will be again) a major cultural and historical center and is part of the national consciousness; a mind-bogglingly large number of people are losing everything they have. I keep thinking of historical buildings, of families losing childhood homes, and the sheer creepiness of a city of dead, flooded buildings.

On the topic of losing childhood homes, today is the last day of ensured existence for the house I grew up in. As of midnight tonight, my parents are permanently vacating 2525 Ogden Street, known to those who know me as "Ogdenland" (a term coined by my brother). I am going to stop by there on my way home tonight and give the place one last look ... by this time next year, the woods will be gone and there will be nothing but McMansions in its place.

Ogdenland was not a happy place for me, as a general rule, although it had its moments; but even so, it's been a major fixture in my life since before I was born, and its passage causes a kind of mourning. I wouldn't be surprised if I found myself hugging a few of the trees, just because most of my happy memories are centered around them.

Finally, there's just the stress and ambivalence I have about MFM. It seems really weird to be having a party, and in particular a party that's putatively in my honor, given the current state of things. BJ Buttons, who I was hoping to see, can't make it because he's going to be at his mother's funeral ... ouch. People keep telling me I'm going to be spoiled and generally pampered at this thing, which is never something I take well to in the first place, but now I'm even more bothered about it because there are so many other people who really need and deserve it a lot more than I do. But what am I supposed to do? Call up tygercowboy and say, "How about we chuck the convention and send all the money to relief efforts instead?" Somehow I don't think the hotel or the airlines would be cooperative -- not to mention the fact that a largish segment of the furry fandom would be rather put out.

Frankly, I feel like a cad and a fraud, and I don't like the feeling. :( But I don't know what to do to rectify the situation.

Le sigh.

-The Gneech

PS: Oh, and as the delightful cherry on top of this stinkbug pie of a day, I encountered this in indigoskynet's LJ: Whites 'find,' blacks 'loot.' WTF???
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